别看这个世界热闹非常，但确确实实有很多孤独的人。

扎扎家和外面大千世界同等热闹，这并不奇怪；奇怪的是，这个家里却人人都以为自己孤独异常。

抛开经常发呆犯神经口中念念有词朗诵几句“小舟从此逝，江海度余生”“一生负气成今日,四海无人对夕阳”或反串生旦哼唱几段“金井锁梧桐 长叹空随一阵风”“独守空帷暗长叹 芳心寂寞有谁怜”的扎扎爸和十年寒窗中偶尔借摄影习作流露出些苦逼痛楚眼神的扎扎哥暂 且不论，像扎扎妈这样杰出的和谐家庭的领导者，三番五次被我们这些不好领导的群众的积极反抗或消极抵触搞烦惹毛了的时候，也会抓狂表现一下自己的孤独感： 在这男女比例严重失调的家庭里，放眼望去全是男儿，却没有一个顶天立地的七尺男儿，所以才落到凡事都要咱这样一个女流之辈来主持支配的天地，扎扎妈这辈子 怎么这么不幸啊！

扎扎妈这样悲愤交加哭天抢地的时候， 扎扎兄弟一般都见惯不怪无动于衷，以为是Asian Parents的常态。只有扎扎爸真滴以为自己为首的家中百姓又闯祸惹事了，赶紧切实想折平息一家之主的怒气怨气。当然想出来的办法，都是与时俱进的，例如最近的扎扎爸就巧舌如簧急呲白咧地论证；毕竟咱家还好，还没有出现习总所预言的那种“十三亿人齐解甲，更无一个是男儿”的墙倒众人推的可喜局面；当然想出来的办法，也有高瞻远瞩面向未来的， 例如，前两天扎扎爸就跟扎扎妈语重心长地说；您得珍惜目前这种鹤立鸡群一人独断的大好局面；等到将来两位儿媳妇相继进了洪门，那时候没准儿你就会非常怀念今天的孤独和清静了。

扎扎爸小时候写命题作文，常常抓耳挠腮写不出几句老师可以画圈称道的鬼话来；现在自由散漫惯了的扎扎爸矫枉过正，又走了另一个极端：下笔千言离题万里。这篇博文的主题本来是讲扎扎的孤独。现在终于言归正传了。

如上所述，扎扎妈的孤独还是可以理解的：家里唯一的女性，绝对的minority，而且还担当着繁重的领导工作；所以常常不能切实了解我们majority。 当扎扎妈诉说自己的孤独时， 扎扎这个小屁孩也跳出来起哄安慰扎扎妈，说其实自己更孤独，而且这是与生俱来的孤独。（扎扎的意思是，扎扎妈如果给他先生个姐姐再生两个妹妹，就完全可以扭转乾坤一举摆脱minority的局面了。）

扎扎的孤独感来自他从小就意识到自己是家里唯一的左撇子。从小到大，我们教他做什么事情，都感觉特别费劲儿。例如，扎扎的字写得很难看，跟狗爬的似的；可 是当扎扎爸手把手教他练习示范时，发现自己的左手写出来的字竟比扎扎的还惨不忍睹。这样苦口婆心/气急败坏几个来回，扎扎爸就发现自己和扎扎实则来自不同 的宇宙，与动手相关的事啥也教不了，全靠他自己领悟。

前几年在国内时买了两本有关左撇子的中译本：《我是左撇子》和《左撇子改变世界》。当时，我也赶紧现买现卖把从书里读到的有关左撇子的知识兜售给扎扎以示 鼓励，但是扎扎毫不领情并认为我在编瞎话欺骗安慰他，目的无非只是想让他感觉好一点儿然后又逼着他用左手干那些只有右手利落的人的右手才能干好的事情。

上周扎扎爸从B&N书店的打折书架上抱回来本The Left-Hander’s Handbook （by James T. De Kay，Aug 1997) ，请扎扎妈务必把读这本书当成暑期作业布置给扎扎。凡事一经扎扎妈领导，立竿见影出成效那是必然的。这不，扎扎这几天边读这本书，边跟扎扎妈不断报告他对自己的新发现；扎扎爸在一旁听着，都有些羡慕嫉妒恨，恨不“全家三人齐洗手，宁无一个右撇子”了。 写完这篇博文，扎扎爸得赶紧找个大镜子长久地凝视，因为只有在镜子里自己才看起来像个左撇子。

这年头左撇子总统多，难怪扎扎也口才好，爱吹牛！

信不信由你：上上下下他们全都是左撇子？ 反正有图为证，扎扎爸不能不信。

竟然还有个国际左撇子节，而且是在8.13。以后纪念淞沪抗战的时候，扎扎爸都得改用左手摇青天白日旗了。

附录：扎扎反复跟扎扎妈叨叨的左撇子知识：

1. If both parents are left handed, 50% of their offspring will be left handed. 2 right-handed parents only have 2% chance of having a leftie.
2. There are twice as many left handed boys than girls.
3. 4 of the 5 original designers of the macintosh computer were left-handed.
4. 1 in 4 Apollo astronauts were left-handed – 250% more than the normal level.
5. Almost 40% of the top tennis pros are left-handed.

扎扎妈前两天受邀给也是家有儿女的朋友推荐教育书籍，一不小心群发到wechat上，打草惊蛇让扎扎爸读到，着实大吃一惊。 因为扎扎爸此前在家里貌似从来没注意到过这三本书，而且此前扎扎爸一直想当然以为下述命题是恒真的：

就这一张照片，扎扎妈露出了虎妈的面目，连虎妞的尾巴也一不小心露了出来，尽管是以爱的名义让祥子和祥子的孩子们无法招架抵挡。本来还很得意自己这几年收 拾管教扎扎兄弟没有功劳也罢至少有苦劳。终于明白了螳螂捕蝉黄雀其后，敢情自己也是被收拾管教的对象，扎扎爸信心土崩瓦解感觉一下子矮了何止半截，这下子 真滴吃瘪，以后只好混同于扎扎兄弟这样的普通群众，恐怕连狐假虎威的胆子都没有了！ No pain，no gain， 扎扎妈的得，就是扎扎爸的失。此时此刻，dare to dare？ 对扎扎爸而言，真是难啊。

转载自http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_627438520101fknn.html

不完美的生活

早上睁开眼，外面又是阴凉的天。忽然想到多米还在出差，近三个星期在家不过5天，但每次来去安全；威廉这两次棋赛发挥不好，但仍然天天做象棋练习，乐此不疲；大卫偶而发起脾气来还有过头儿行为，但之后都有悔改表示；年迈的父母依旧不能和睦相处，但频繁的争吵中身体都还健康，可称奇迹；眼见暑假已过了三分之一，但自己计划做的事情只完成了五分之一，居然还没象以前一样着急上火，可见“随遇而安”的心态有进步；门前小树好不容易结了不到10个桃子，在还没完全熟透的时候就被小松鼠吃光了，但树还在，明年春天多施肥，应该会长得更好吧。

生活如此不完美，让我心里踏实，充满感恩。

整个学年都没时间和在高中做助理校长的朋友聚一聚，终于在暑假找到了机会。见面我先吃了一惊：原本很注重锻炼的她明显体重增加。谈起来才发现，这一学年因为另外一位助理校长的病情，她在原本已经很紧张的工作中承担着附加的分量，长期早出晚归地加班。淡淡的语气中无一丝抱怨。她说今年对她触动最大的是一位毕业生。2012年11月17日晚CL坐在好友的车里回家的路上发生车祸，他是唯一一位系牢安全带的，却阴差阳错，也是唯一一位受冲击力最大而重伤脊椎的，脖子以下完全瘫痪。CL从小是运动健将，是学校棒球队和足球队主力，2011年被选为 All Star，运动是他的生命。可在飞来横祸面前，他没有任何抱怨，一再强调“focus on my ability, not disability”，不但积极配合治疗，而且在老师和家人的支持下继续完成课业，坐着轮椅参加了毕业晚会和典礼。当朋友泪如雨下地为他颁发Gail Meyer 励志奖学金时，全场师生起立，掌声雷动。朋友感谢CL让她看到生活的不完美，却可以用完美的态度去面对。在这学年最繁忙的后六个月，每当她疲劳不堪时总可以让CL轮椅上真诚的微笑支持她继续，万事尽力而为，却不再计较成果，接受很多事情受其它因素影响，不能尽善尽美。

我也认识CL，九年级时为他做过教育复测，因为他虽然视觉分析，动手操作和运动能力出众，但语言和听觉处理能力有障碍，从一年级起就接受不同程度的特殊教育服务。大部分学生顺手拈来的阅读，写作和记忆能力，对他象负重爬山一样艰难。但当年翻阅他历年的教育记录，每一位老师都赞叹他积极的学习态度，友好的个性，深受周围同学和老师的喜爱。

这种积极乐观的态度肯定和遗传有关，但他从小就不断面临困难和挑战，体会生活的不完美，这和灾难来临时的从容，应该不无关系吧？

很遗憾的是，我接触过的高中生，特别是智力上乘的所谓“聪明学生”，很多的成长环境走向另一个极端。小学时没经历过任何学习困难，中学时继续生活在一个假象里：“全A就是一切!”到高中时覆盖面更广，不但成绩要全A，社团活动要做领导，参加竞赛也要拿第一。日子久了，孩子觉得这就是生活，一切要这样完美。

可现实生活中呢？

上班路上莫名其妙地堵车可能导致我们错过重要的会；

按菜谱烧菜有的时候结果四不象；

停车场我们小心翼翼地倒出来却还是被别人撞到…

更不用说处处可见的失败和失望。

花费心血写的论文可能被编辑否定；

以为万事俱备，如探囊取物般自信的大学申请居然给拒了;

倾心追求的人不一定喜欢自己…

上周六晚多米和威廉去Oakland看A’s队和波士顿红袜队的棒球赛，近十年来曾两次取得全国冠军的红袜队0比3惨败。多米和威廉的座位紧挨红袜队的dugout，问他们队员的反应。答案是“失望肯定是失望，但情绪稳定”。多米接着解释，再好的球队，在每年的赛季里能赢近60%的球赛已经是不得了的成绩，完美的“全赢”是不存在的。所以职业球员一定要习惯“输赢乃兵家常事”，不然这个工作会很痛苦。

哪一个工作不是这样呢？

大小手网站(www.bighandsmallhand.com)知名的“喜马”爸爸总结的好：“我们成长的过程，谁没有一路坎坷和失败？谁是出生到现在，学业一帆风顺、事业婚姻家庭健康全都是一路绿灯一路凯歌？举例来说，三十岁以上的，没有被公司裁员过的，有几成？四十岁以上的，身边的朋友或者自己的婚姻里面，没有亮过红灯的有几个？读书到现在，从大学到研究生院到博士，一门课程都没有低于 A 甚至补考过的，有几个？我们自己常常选择性忘记自己这些负面的事情，给孩子一个错觉：父母永远都是成功和完美的。这，是很不负责和很不公平的。”

他观察到：“可能越是高学历高收入的父母，尤其是第一代移民，越容易对孩子在教育的时候，施加过大过多的期望值，并且很少或者从来不讲自己当年失败和不完美的经历。孩子们常常听到的，就是父母亲当年多么多么厉害，在各种数理化学科竞赛中轻松地过关斩将，免试上大学、出国上名校、找工作进大公司，全是这些高大形象。时间长了，连父母亲自己都忘了自己的失败和生活中的酸楚，以及自己的奋斗。”

“喜马”爸爸更分享：他以前也没认识到这个现象，和女儿说小时候的事情，总是说那些自己觉得很励志很鼓舞的事情。“直到有一天，女儿说，对啊，你和妈妈都很厉害，很小你们就很独立自主，我不如你们，那又怎么样！你们在中国，我在美国，我们不一样！原来我们以为的励志训导，其实都成了高压气筒，打到一定时候，再能耐压的都要爆胎了。从那以后，我常常和女儿分享我成长过程中的种种心路历程，让她更真实地了解她的父亲，虽然不甘平凡做了点事情，但绝不是完美的超人。也让她了解她的世界里面，可以并一定会有不完美，这其实是很正常的。”

如果孩子在这种教导中成长，在高中毕业时一定已经学到了现实生活的不完美，那不论他/她选择大学里学什么专业，将来做什么工作，和谁生活在一起，我们做父母的都可以放心：不论发生什么天灾人祸，孩子都会从容面对。兵来将挡，天塌下来地接着，任何问题总有解决的方法。

能够看到并接受生活中的不完美，并不是让孩子去“降低目标”甚至“逆来顺受”。临床心理学家 Jeff Szymanski, Ph.D., 2011年在 <<完美主义者手册>> (The Perfectionist’s Handbook: Take Risks, Invite Criticism, and Make the Most of Your Mistakes)一书中总结近20年对完美主义的研究，发现“健康的完美主义”(healthy perfectionism)帮我们达到自定的目标，和工作/学习上的成就，对生活的满意度等都相关。“不健康的完美主义”问题不在于目标太过完美，而是为了达到目标而采取的方式，特别是过度担心期间会发生的错误及过度怀疑自己。在自己努力做到最好的同时，可以接受本身力量的有限，才能更从容地面对结果；在意外到来时可以想到，很多事情的发生是在自己的控制能力以外的，不把时间浪费到怨天尤人上，才能踏实地面对新的挑战，该做什么做什么。

阴凉的天空越来越淡了，阳光开始在云缝里撒出来。不到10点，蔚蓝的天空不见一丝云，又是一个艳阳天。

但愿我们心里的阳光也因着接受，感恩生活的不完美，而永远灿烂。

 昨天硅谷回音青少年，11年级的Monta Vista女生Christina 一起把从南京来的女孩Maggie接到南湾。在路上，两个女孩谈得很好。Maggie 12岁，第一次来美国，对什么都很好奇。Christina对 中国学生也很好奇。

Christina问Maggie 一个问题：“你为什么要学英语？”

这是个简单的问题，但Maggie不知道她为什么要问。

Christina解释说：“譬如，我学中文，是为了和人交流。学Java，是为了以后要学computer science，还有很多用处。你为什么要学英语呢？”

Maggie 痛快地回答：“为了考试。”

Chrsitna更是疑惑了，又把她要学中文和学Java的理由解释了一次。

Maggie 说，“是啊，我就是为了考试。以后我会有中考。中考考好了，才能上高中。上了高中，考试考好了，才能上大学，以后才能找到好工作呀。”

是啊，Maggie说得很实在。尽管Chrsitina似乎还是很难理解Maggie解释的理由。

From Our High School Students to You

“I sit in my seats at school – gripped with fear. I ask myself, ‘How can I attend college when all I can think about is how worried I am about everything?’ My mind is racing and I hope I am not called on – every part of me tingles and I am waiting to involuntarily jump out of my chair. I feel like I will pass out.” – A.W.

“Not good enough, I always think. I constantly force myself to reach for something beyond my grasp, further and further.  It happens when I fail–when I pound my head against my desk for half an hour incapable of finding a solution to a calculus problem … I berate myself heavily … I fall prey to a vicious cycle where I am dragged along into the insidious plot of beating myself  into the ground, deeper and deeper. ” –E.W.

 “A saint too constantly crushed by opinion and criticism, she should soar beyond the sphere of shallowness. Only, she does not realize. No academic distinction or kindness seems to be enough for her to feel loved and appreciated. Standing before the distasteful sight of her flaws, she dashes blindly in a pursuit to transform into perfection itself. For a young lady with a spectrum of artificiality but no confidence, physical attraction becomes self-destruction.” – R. X.

…

Every night between May 19 and June 3, 2013, I read while being deeply touched by essays from students of dozens of schools in the Bay Area as they answer the question “What Is The #1 Mental Health Issue Affecting High School Students?” They are participants of Culture to Culture Foundations’ scholarship contest to raise mental health awareness among teenagers.  I am humbled and honored to be one of six judges for this project.

Thanks to our community’s support, 127 entries were received between March and May 2013.  We were deeply touched and inspired by each and every one of them, which shared experiences and observations on teenagers’ mental health challenges from different angles. Here are my thoughts and questions after reading the essays.

First of all, how much do we really understand our younger generations?  Many writings mentioned that either the authors or their friends cried in bathrooms, cut themselves or attempted suicide while hiding their pain from the world.  As one student described:

“She constructs a fragile facade everyday, keeping her emotions to herself and carefully gluing a smile on her beautifully broken face. She is only sixteen-years-old yet she carries with her an aura of infinite sadness.”  — A.V.

            This is consistent with my fear.  While working in my local high school, once I saw a junior being pushed into my office by her best friend.  The student was well known for her good grades, outgoing and helpful personality, as well as strong leadership skills.  It’s hard to imagine when she shared that she had suffered from anxiety for several years and had tried overdosing herself twice.  When I mentioned how flawless her smiles and outfits were whenever I saw her on campus, she told me that she always dressed herself the best on the days when she felt the worst just to cover up her true feelings.  What’s more shocking was that she and her mother never mentioned anything to her father because, in her own words, he “tends to overreact.”   Her mother, though by her side during those incidents, never took the time to discuss with her what had happened, nor did she seek help on her behalf. 

            When was the last time that we talked with our children about how they feel, not about what grade they received on a test or what project is due next week? 

Do we know their passion or dreams? 

Do we understand their worries, fears or anger?   

I feel deeply indebted to those brave participants who put their inner voices in words and raised those questions for us.

Second, a theme that repeated itself in about 75 out of the 127 entries is on depression or anxiety caused by stress over expectations, comparison, and perfectionism. Students talked about how they experienced first-hand how stress negatively changed their attitude towards “learning” and as a person.

“Before I began sophomore year, I was an enthusiastic student who looked forward to school … That all changed, however, after I kicked the year off with a D in AP Chemistry – my focus went from learning the wonders of science to frantically trying to raise my grade. Soon after, education became a drag. … I had begun to live for the sole sake of seeing crisp, printed A’s running down my report card come January and June. … The stress had built up to the point where I detested school, and hated doing things in general …The stress had caused my attitude towards others to take a turn for the worse; I became so fixated on my own issues that I lost in touch with the feelings of those around me. … I pushed everyone away.”  — S.F.

            If you don’t believe that those 75 participants are representative of the general population, here are some findings from nearly 5,000 high school students in the Bay Area who took part in Stanford Survey of Adolescent School Experiences (Galloway, M. K., Conner, J. O., & Pope, D., 2009):

¨      54% of high school females and 32% of high school males reported 3 or more symptoms of physical stress in the past month.

¨      62% of Bay Area high school students surveyed said they always or almost always work hard in school, but only 10% always or almost always enjoy schoolwork.

Partnership for a Drug-Free America found in 2007 that 73% of students listed academic stress as their number one reason for using drugs, yet only 7 % of parents believe teens might use drugs to deal with stress.

National Sleep Foundation found in 2006 that 80% of teens don’t get the recommended amount of sleep (9.25 hours per night); at least 28% fall asleep in school, and 22% fall asleep doing homework.

I was not only touched by many authors’ heart-felt description of stress but also encouraged by their great insights into their mental health challenges.  Here are more excerpts with permission: 

 “There are certain factors in our society that play a large role in causing teenagers to succumb to the unhealthy state of comparing to others. Teenagers constantly face blatant and subliminal messages regarding what it means to be successful in life. We are in a stage in our lives where we naturally long to conform to social norms and we are searching for a guide to follow. We become preoccupied with accomplishing the goals created by other people.  This often leads to low self-esteem, misery, and envy that can develop into a more pressing condition like mental or emotional instability.” — C. Z.

 “In these tumultuous teenage years, we are constantly shaped by who we meet, though there is one fatal downfall: trying to meet social expectations. … With every hasty decision, every wrong turn, we fall victim to deprecation and discontentment. What affects us in the end is not only hurting ourselves, but also being forced to be worth something. However, in the process of finding identity, we climb through aberrant routes to reach where we are, whether in conforming with the malicious or in turning an icy heart to the world. ” – R. X.

 “Teenagers are masters of playing the comparison game. However, comparing can be destructive, and teens can develop negative self-images and unhealthy misconceptions of their worth and identity.” — C. W.

Evidence from the World Mental Health Survey of World Health Organization (WHO) suggests that U.S.A. has the highest annual prevalence rates (26%) for mental illnesses among a comparison of 14 developing and developed countries. For example, absence from work due to depression is estimated to be in excess of $31 billion per year.  The onset of depression is getting younger.  According to the National Institute of Mental Health, about 11% of adolescents have a depressive disorder and 8% have an anxiety disorder by age 18.  While suicide was the tenth leading cause of death for all ages in 2010, it is the third leading cause of death among children aged 15-24 years (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention).  About ninety percent of suicide deaths involved mental health factors. 

            Being aware of emotional needs is the first step to take control.  I am very encouraged to see how many high school students demonstrated their ability to recognize their needs for support to mental health development.

            Last but not least, I am inspired by some writers’ recognition that the worst thing for mental health is not to do anything about it.  For example, one wrote:

“I live in a world where the blame lays in the hands of the bystanders- the ones who remain silent despite their clear eyes and loud voices. The ones who have the innate ability to change a life, yet hold back in their own fear, denial, and ignorance. We are one of the most dangerous things to adolescents suffering from mental health issues.” – A. L.

Stanford University’s Mental Health and Well-being Task Force concluded that this generation of students is experiencing what the task force called “a silent epidemic.” From chronic sleep deprivation, lack of free time and more, there is “abundant evidence that this generation suffers from increased emotional and mental health challenges” in spite of their academic successes.  Research demonstrates that students experience these challenges well before they enter college.”

While the services for mental health in the U.S.A. have seen significant progress from the American asylum movement in 1843 to the community support movement in 1975, the stigma on mental illness continues to exist. According to National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), of children ages 9 to 17, 21% have a diagnosable mental or addictive disorder that causes at least minimal impairment. Half of all lifetime cases of mental disorders begin by age 14. Despite effective treatments, there are long delays, sometimes decades, between the first onset of symptoms and when people seek and receive treatment. In any given year, only 20 percent of children with mental disorders are identified and receive mental health services.

It is encouraging to see that many school districts start to recognize teenagers’ increasing needs for support to mental health development.  For example, my local junior high and high school will fund more counselors in fall 2013, improving the ratio of counselor to students from 1:700 to 1:550.  Many elementary school administrators also work with the PTA and fund counseling services with interns from private agencies.

In addition, it is inspirational to see that some high school students initiated activities to support each other in difficult times.  For example, when a classmate committed suicide in Palo Alto in spring 2009, two friends spontaneously reached out to grieving peers.  Soon they teamed with another friend and formed a group called ROCK, which worked with the National Peer Helpers Association to provide better peer support after their community was shaken by four more suicides in the next six months.  It was reported that ROCK’s message has inspired students at other high schools to set up similar support groups.

Culture to Culture (C to C) Foundation, a nonprofit organization, has been working tirelessly to raise awareness for the importance of mental health and provide better access to culturally competent mental health services among the Bay Area’s Asian-American population.  In the past, C to C has organized many mental health workshops and given scholarships for adults.  This year, Ms. Chia Chia Chien, founder of C to C, recognized the growing needs among our younger generations and extended the scholarship to high school students. 

Besides depression and anxiety, the submitted essays covered a wide range of topics on mental health that touch teenagers’ lives everyday, from Eating Disorder caused by excessive worries over body image to stress over family situations, ADHD, identification crisis and cultural maladjustment. 

         It is an understatement to say that it was very challenging to pick out the winners for this essay contest because every participant is a winner to us with their courage to share personal pain, keen observation of peers’ suffering or passion to make changes for our community.  In the end, ten writers were selected to receive the $500 scholarship while another eleven as Honorable Mention with $100 scholarship. 

Mental health generally refers to "a state of well-being which the individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community" (WHO).  That’s what we wish for all of our younger generations. 

Research conducted by Mental Health America found that the more educated the population, the lower the percentage of reported unmet mental healthcare needs, the better the state’s depression status. In addition, the more generous a state’s mental health parity coverage, the greater the number of people in the population that receive mental health services.

We understand that we still have a lot more to improve on mental healthcare for teenagers.  However, like one old Chinese proverb states: "the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."  The ultimate goal for this essay contest is to raise awareness of the importance of mental health in high school students.  Two projects are planned to follow up with this scholarship: one is a publication of the writings or excerpt with permission, the other is a short film on teenagers’ mental health needs in the Bay Area.  It is C to C’s hope that those seeds will grow into a forest of community support to our teenagers’ mental health development in the near future.

Sorry that I have to delete this blog per request.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention 数据: 美国每年平均至少30,000人自杀身亡，其中4,000左右年龄在24岁以下。

附上美国学校心理学会 (National Association of School Psychologists) 总结的相关文章。

Preventing Youth Suicide: Tips for Parents and Educators

By Andrea Cohn, NCSP
Howard County (MD) Public Schools

Suicide is the third leading cause of death among youth between 10 and 19 years of age. However, suicide is preventable. Youth who are contemplating suicide frequently give warning signs of their distress. Parents, teachers, and friends are in a key position to pick up on these signs and get help. Most important is to never take these warning signs lightly or promise to keep them secret. When all adults and students in the school community are committed to making suicide prevention a priority — and are empowered to take the correct actions — we can help youth before they engage in behavior with irreversible consequences.

Suicide Risk Factors

Certain characteristics are associated with increased suicide risk. These include:

Mental illness including depression, conduct disorders, and substance abuse
Family stress/dysfunction
Environmental risks, including presence of a firearm in the home
Situational crises (i.e., traumatic death of a loved one, physical or sexual abuse, family violence, etc.)
Suicide Warning Signs

Many suicidal youth demonstrate observable behaviors that signal their suicidal thinking. These include:

Suicidal threats in the form of direct and indirect statements
Suicide notes and plans
Prior suicidal behavior
Making final arrangements (e.g., making funeral arrangements, writing a will, giving away prized possessions)
Preoccupation with death
Changes in behavior, appearance, thoughts and/or feelings
What to Do

Youth who feel suicidal are not likely to seek help directly; however, parents, school personnel, and peers can recognize the warning signs and take immediate action to keep the youth safe. When a youth gives signs that he or she may be considering suicide, the following actions should be taken:

Remain calm.
Ask the youth directly if he or she is thinking about suicide.
Focus on your concern for their wellbeing and avoid being accusatory.
Listen.
Reassure them that there is help and they will not feel like this forever.
Do not judge.
Provide constant supervision. Do not leave the youth alone.
Remove means for self-harm.
Get help: Peers should not agree to keep the suicidal thoughts a secret and instead should tell an adult, such as a parent, teacher, or school psychologist. Parents should seek help from school or community mental health resources as soon as possible. School staff should take the student to the designated school mental health professional or administrator.
The Role of the School in Suicide Prevention

Children and adolescents spend a substantial part of their day in school under the supervision of school personnel. Effective suicide and violence prevention is integrated with supportive mental health services, engages the entire school community, and is embedded in a positive school climate through student behavioral expectations and a trustful student/adult relationship. Therefore, it is crucial for all school staff to be familiar with and watchful for risk factors and warning signs of suicidal behavior. The entire school staff should work to create an environment where students feel safe sharing such information. School psychologists and other crisis team personnel, including the school counselor and school administrator, are trained to intervene when a student is identified at risk for suicide. These individuals conduct suicide risk assessment, warn/inform parents, provide recommendations and referrals to community services, and often provide follow-up counseling and support at school.

Parent Notification and Participation

Parent notification is a vital part of suicide prevention. Parents need to be informed and actively involved in decisions regarding their child’s welfare. Even if a child is judged to be at low risk for suicidal behavior, schools should ask parents to sign a Notification of Emergency Conference form to indicate that relevant information has been provided. These notifications must be documented. Additionally, parents are crucial members of a suicide risk assessment as they often have information critical to making an appropriate assessment of risk, including mental health history, family dynamics, recent traumatic events, and previous suicidal behaviors.

After a school notifies a parent of their child’s risk for suicide and provides referral information, the responsibility falls upon the parent to seek mental health assistance for their child. Parents must:

Continue to take threats seriously. Follow-through is important even after the child calms down or informs the parent “they didn’t mean it.” Avoid assuming behavior is attention seeking.
Access school supports. If parents are uncomfortable with following through on referrals, they can give the school psychologist permission to contact the referral agency, provide referral information, and follow up on the visit. The school can also assist in providing transportation to get the parent and child to the referral agency.
Maintain communication with the school. After such an intervention, the school will also provide follow-up supports. Parent communication will be crucial to ensuring that the school is the safest, most comfortable place for their child.
Resiliency Factors

The presence of resiliency factors can lessen the potential risks that lead to suicidal ideation and behaviors. Once a child or adolescent is considered at risk, schools, families, and friends should work to build these protective factors in and around the youth. These include:

Family support and cohesion, including good communication
Peer support and close social networks
School and community connectedness
Cultural or religious beliefs that discourage suicide and promote healthy living
Adaptive coping and problem-solving skills, including conflict-resolution
General life satisfaction, good self-esteem, sense of purpose
Easy access to effective medical and mental health resources

My parents had their green cards 7years ago. They left US 6years ago and did not come back due to health issue.  But they are ok to travel now. 
1.Can they come back with the same green cards they had 7years ago?
2. Do they need to provide any extra documents besides the green cards? Any trouble for them to reenter? 
3.Or the green cards are totally useless? they should apply for visitor visas?
Thank you so much for your help!

一个美国单亲妈妈（为学校机构工作，有无犯罪纪录报告），和一个上10年级的女儿，同住。家里还有2间空房。希望可以host 一位国际学生（女） 居住zip code: CA 95123

提供3餐
有自己的私人房间
可以提供接送上下学
可以提供监护人 guardianship

价格可以跟我站内联系。

 Lynbrook Speech and Debate is hosting a Middle School Speech and Debate Camp this summer! It will be from July 29th to August 2nd at Lynbrook High School. (1280 Johnson Avenue, San Jose, CA, 95129) Our presitigous camp is open to incoming 5th – 9th graders. Each day, students will attend the camp from 9:00 AM – 3:00 PM. The price is $275 but will increase starting in May, and we promise a 5:1 student ratio. 

According to Dr. Minh Luong, a Yale professor, doing Speech and Debate in High School can boost your college application by roughly 85 percent. Instructors for the camp have beena ccepted to schools like MIT, Stanford, Yale, UPenn, Brown, Cornell, Dartmouth, Rice, UC Berkeley, UCLA and more. 

Feel free to learn more about the camp at www.lynbrooksd.com/camp
If you have any questions please email our President, Medha Sinha at smile.medha@gmail.com 

We hope to see you all there!