Words I Never Said
You know, my dad has never been good at verbally expressing his emotions, or more accurately, his love. To be even more precise, his love for me. However, no matter how much I deny it when I’m angry, I know it’s always there.
Although our relationship can be rocky sometimes, it’s never been a challenge for me to find examples of his love for me. During my middle school years, I had to take the bus home since both of my parents worked, and I lived too far to bike or walk. Normally, I’d get home by 4:45, and do my homework or something. However, I missed the bus one day, and didn’t arrive until around 5:45. As usual, I warmed up my dinner, settled myself down on the sofa to eat and watch some TV. Suddenly, the door barged open, and my dad stormed in, red-faced, breathing hard, and talking on his cell phone. After seeing me, he hung up the phone immediately. It turned out that he was talking to the police dispatcher. As he explained later, he came home at around 5:15, but didn’t find me. Panicked, he dashed out of the house to search for me. He drove along my bus route to the stop where I normally waited, and asked around, hoping that someone might have seen a boy like me. To his disappointment, no one could give him any information. Soon afterwards, his car was found stopped in the middle of the street, right in front of a bus. Apparently, he had tried to stop the bus to check if I was on it. That’s what I do when I want to hijack someone’s car in Grand Theft Auto. His desperation had compelled him to do something as crazy, insane, and dangerous as that. Fortunately, no accident occurred and no policeman issued him a ticket. It’s things like this that make it unnecessary for my dad to express his love for me.
My dad takes me skiing every year, at either Lake Tahoe or Vancouver, Canada. There, we would ditch my mom and my sister and just go skiing by ourselves. My dad loves skiing and is pretty good at it. In order to take advantage of every minute of his skiing time, we would leave early in the morning to squeeze a few early runs in. Despite my mom’s strong objections, he even bought me a full ski set so we wouldn’t have to waste some time at the rental store. I was only twelve then, and soon outgrew the expensive skis and boots in a couple years. Nevertheless, my dad didn’t mind sacrificing his skiing time teaching me and waiting for me. My first time skiing, I took a class with the ski school, where I was taught a skiing technique called the “pizza”. Afterwards, this became my typical skiing routine: pizza, panic, plummet. My dad would stand on the slope idly while I slowly and nervously slid down. He was much more advanced than me at the time, so it must have been extremely boring for him to ski with me. Patiently, he taught me some tips and tricks and eventually, I became better than he was. My dad was always there for me whenever I needed it.
My dad has been going to China to start his own business for quite a while now. The effects of his constant business trips are finally starting to show. After spending plenty of time away from home, my relationship with my dad has changed, in both good ways and bad. Honestly, when he first leaves for China, I’m somewhat happy and relieved because a lot of pressure and stress is lifted off my back. And yet, his frequent absences have gradually strained and distanced our relationship. He missed many important events in me and my sister’s lives: my middle school graduation, my sister’s choir performance and her dance recitals, and even our birthdays. We’ve become less informed and involved in each other’s life. Our family could have been so much closer, both literally and figuratively. That’s the biggest detriment of his trips, but I understand he’s going to China for the benefit of the entire family.
Dad, we’ve had our good times and bad times, but ultimately, I know you love me and I just want to say to you that I love you.